Nice guys don't have to finish last.
Lauren Larsen
Let's talk about one of the most common excuses 'nice' guys have for not being able to get the girl.
You're a nice guy, you treat girls with respect and kindness, you open doors and pay for dinners, you're a shoulder to cry on when she's sad and a great dance partner when she's happy. You think you're doing everything right and despite how hard you try, you're getting closer and closer to the friend zone (if you're not already in it).
The friend zone is an undesirable, uncomfortable and stuffy place to be. It's like being the DD at a party - you're there and you get to experience everything but you don't get to participate in any of the fun. No guy wants to be in it, unless they truly do consider the girl a friend and nothing more.
Another crappy thing about the friend zone is it is nearly impossible to get out of. When you become friend zoned, she will disassociate you from anything sexual and BAM you're no longer boyfriend material and probably never will be.
With this post, I am going to attempt to teach you how to avoid the terrible FRIEND ZONE.
5 ways to ensure you never get friend zoned.
1. If your intentions are romantic, be romantic.
If your intentions with her are romantic, don't be afraid to be romantic. You need to be honest and communicate openly to ensure she knows what your intentions are. If you surprise her with an "i want to be more than friends" she may freak out. Be straight up from the beginning and you'll be able to accurately assess the situation, thus preventing any let-downs on either side.
2. Don't be a pushover - set boundaries.
When you're pursuing a girl, you need to hold your own. We want men who are chivalrous and kind, non-posessive, non-needy and we want you to have a PASSION (other than us). We don't want you to agree to everything we say or want to do (agreeing to watch Sex and the City reruns on a Saturday night will put you in the FZ real quick). We want you to suggest things, we want you to initiate meaningful conversation, we want you to learn from you and we want to know your intentions with us. We dig it when you're honest.
3. If you think she's out of your league, she is.
Don't take this personally - for the most part, couples usually rank similarly on the 1-10 scale of attractiveness. I'm definitely not saying that looks are everything, but if she is a 10/10 smokeshow who works out to stay fit, spends money and time on her wardrobe to look put together and eats well to stay healthy... and you simply... don't, you firstly, don't have any of those three things in common (commonalities are key), and secondly, are probably aiming a bit too high. That being said, it is easy and better for you to adopt the aforementioned habits, thus potentially becoming a better version of you. I'd recommend stepping up your game and participating in the good-for-you things, including style (obviously), if you want to get the 10/10's.
4. Don't be a shoulder to cry on.
This should come much, much later into a relationship... like when you're exclusive. If you're questioning whether or not you're in the friend zone, don't be a shoulder to cry on, especially if the tears are a result of an ex boyfriend. You might think, "I'll let her vent to me and she will soon realize I am a much better guy for her" but trust me, it doesn't work that way. If you want to take things to a more-than-friends level, let her figure the ex stuff out on her own and step in when you're sure she is ready for something new.
5. Get into it, but not over your head.
When the time is right, jump in, but not over your head. You need to allow things to progress and develop organically. Communicate, ensure you are always on the same page and take things at a healthy pace - if you're unsure and you're worried about becoming her friend, let her set the pace. All you need to do is ensure your intentions are clear and she knows you aren't cool with just being her friend.
If you have any comments or additional ways to avoid the FZ, inbox me or leave a comment below!
- Ensemble Style